I edited GWB’s Patriot Day 2008 Speech for fun


A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America
 
September 11, 2001, was etched into America’s memory when 19 terrorists attacked us with barbarity unequaled in our history [except perhaps the annihilation of the Native Americans, Slavery, the Civil War and the Jim Crow South]. On Patriot Day, we cherish the memory of the thousands of innocent victims lost, extend our thoughts and prayers to their families, and honor the heroic men and women who risked and sacrificed their lives so others might survive [as long as we don’t have to actually help any of these people. We also thank all the working class shmoes who fight so that the rich can get richer and the poor and middle class can get poorer. Thank God they haven’t caught on to that fact yet, for the most part.]
 
Since 9/11, we have recognized the threat posed by terrorists to the safety of the American people and worked to protect our homeland [rich people’s interests] by fighting terrorists [blowing up brown people] abroad [in order to control the flow of fossil fuels in order to control the economies of our rivals the EU, China, India, Russia, and Japan]. We are confronting terrorism [that we don’t happen to be sponsoring such as in Colombia] by advancing freedom, liberty, and prosperity [for the rich and their pet corporations only] as an alternative to the ideologies of hatred and repression [which we once funded as part of the Cold War via the CIA and still do fund in Saudi Arabia as well as the Afghani Northern Alliance]. Our Nation pays tribute [but not too much money, respect, or benefits] to our courageous men and women [working class dupes] in uniform serving around the world and the devoted members of our law enforcement [aka lower and working class oppression squad], public safety, and intelligence communities at home who work night and day to protect us [aka the rich elite of the USA] from harm and preserve the freedom [to abuse the lower classes] of this great Nation [and the world].
 
Seven years ago, ordinary citizens rose to the challenge, united in prayer, and responded with extraordinary acts of courage, with some giving their lives for the country they loved. [This blind patriotism has allowed us to shred the Constitution and further entrench the plutocracy and reduce the democratic public sphere and your civil rights as citizens.] On Patriot Day, we remember all those who were taken from us in an instant and seek their lasting memorial in a safer and more hopeful world. We must not allow our resolve to be weakened by the passage of time. [We must not let time heal the blindness created by 9-11 so that you the public might see our crimes against you. We must reinforce fear and dependency on authoritarian ways so that we can screw everyone but we the rich.] We will meet the test [disaster] that history [I and the spineless Democrats] has given us [have given you] and continue to fight to rid the world of terrorism [anyone who disobeys us including true democracies] and promote liberty [corporate plutocracy] around the globe.
 
By a joint resolution approved December 18, 2001 (Public Law 107-89), the Congress has designated September 11 of each year as "Patriot Day." [… Suckassss]
 
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim September 11, 2008, as Patriot Day. I call upon the Governors of the United States and the Commonwealth [Colonies] of Puerto Rico [Guam, Northern Mariana Islands, US Virgin Islands, American Samoa, and Israel], as well as appropriate officials of all units of government, to direct that the flag be flown at half-staff on Patriot Day. I also call upon the people of the United States to observe Patriot Day with appropriate ceremonies, activities, and remembrance services, to display the flag at half-staff from their homes on that day, and to observe a moment of silence beginning at 8:46 a.m. eastern daylight time to honor the innocent Americans and people from around the world who lost their lives as a result of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. [Make these gestures and please do not get involved in such a way that might interfere with the plutocratic agenda, for we will have to smite you with our propaganda, police state, and military if we can spare it.]
 
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this eighth day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.
 
GEORGE W. BUSH
 
[As edited by me, Nick] 
 

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