Today in a stunning 5-4 decision, the forces of truth, justice, democracy, and the American way were rolled back by Tony “The Fixer” Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Samuel “Unitary Executive” Alito, Anthony Kennedy and Chief ‘Justice’ John Roberts. They said that it was consequential to rollback democracy at this critical point in human history, because we don’t want people getting all full of themselves, and we don’t want their heads getting heavy filled up with a bunch of incendiary ideas, like that they actually control their own government! That was an idea that’s had it’s day in the sun, so to speak (it’s had its fifteen minutes!), but now it’s time for that notion to honorably set itself aside, and let other political philosophies share this nation’s political arena for awhile!
Tony “The Fixer” made it clear he was dead-set against democracy from the day that he donned his shiny black pajamas, and that he would do everything that he could during the entirety of his tenure on the Supreme Court to make sure that the transnational corporations and the oligarchy continued to control the United States Federal Government. Clarence Thomas stated, “I’ve just been going with the flow [and the Federalist Society] since the first day that I’ve been appointed here, so why would this decision be any different from any of the others!!?” Thomas elaborated on the previous comment in saying, “I just get my marching orders bright and early, right around 6am, each and every morning! I have a cup a Joe, read the morning paper, and I consummate them [the orders from the PTB] with military precision!”
Sammy Alito, affixed a wry smile to his countenance, and said, “Anything that the president can’t do [which is practically nothing] should be given over to the forces of light and liberty that can only come from some of the most rapacious entities in the world!” Alito continued his bizarro comments, saying, “Now was the apropos time to roll back 100 years of near universally recognized precedent, because if we hadn’t made today’s historic decision, people would persist in thinking that inalienable powers bestowed upon them by the Lord in Heaven above, could not be abraded! It’s funny that way, we are perhaps the only body that is superior to his divine grace’s celestial imperatives, at least, that I’m at all aware of.” Tony Scalia, never one to be considered the shrinking violet had this to say about the future direction of the highest court in the country, “This is really a Scalia decision, on a Tony Scalia judiciary, we had to put that pretty boy Roberts up there as a figurehead, but the corporatocracy and the Busheviks really know who’s at the helm of this sinking vessel [headed for an iceberg]!”
Anthony Kennedy, who was expected to be a swing vote on the court, but has proven to be a loyal neo-fascist, had this to say about today’s preeminent decision, “You either do things at 100% or they’re not worth doing at all/whatsoever! That’s what I figured out since the time that my former colleague Sandra Day O’Connor left this body. You know I’m absolutely, completely, and totally committed to ruling the United States of America for some of the most avaricious, loathsome, and cold-hearted entities, I hesitate to even call them that, that have ever set their flabby digits down on this illustrious planet! Of course, corporations don’t even have flabby digits, but we’re doing our level best to change all of that!” Supreme Court analysts were predicting further similar rulings from Tony’s court, and Tony was not only talking about ‘his’ Supreme Court and ‘his’ Constitution after this historic monumental victory; but Tony had worked himself all up into a tizzy, about opening up a chain of pizzeria’s brandishing his moniker and an artist’s representation of his beatific likeness.
The story above is a satire or parody, it is entirely fictitious.