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THE NEWT


THE NEWT

News Item:  Newt Gingrich soars past Mitt Romney in Republican polls after Herman Cain suspends campaign.

Yes, I am a Newt, dinosaurian in thought, meteoric in rise — as in climbing walls, or making others do so after what I say — and precipitous in fall — as in falling off the ceiling.

When I am floating along on a ceiling, the whole world is upside down.  It is a refreshingly original view, as is my thinking.  So my lucrative firm performs the noblest of tasks:  education and introductions to enhance fellow feeling and forge mutually beneficial relationships.  Just because it earns $55 million, the do-nothing snipers of the press snicker and call it a lobbying firm.  I decry lobbyists; I am not one of them.  I am an education animal.

I am the first newt in lizard family history to earn a PhD … in history — a history PhD making history, that's me.  And I will be President.  This country deserves a newt.  We have a pedigree going back longer than any human, and we can perform tasks no human can even attempt.  Plus, I sleep a lot.  This country does much better under a somnambulist President — remember Eisenhower!   The pro-actives get us in trouble Elect me and we will all achieve nirvana.

Sometimes I wonder how we can all be reincarnated as newts … a nuclear war?  … Hmm!

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