Vaginas Don’t Come With Suction

to Hotel Satire, a place where gals come from all over the
U.S. to take intensive classes and beauty treatments designed
to teach gals how to be the pretty little passive twits-things
that nature intended them to be.

Recently, we gals received some interesting and shocking information
about violence.
it’s not

about the perpetrators of the September 11 attack(clearly,
that was Saddam —we don’t know why, it just was).
It’s not about the Maryland/Washington sniper (clearly,
that’s going to turn out to be Saddam, as well). No,
it’s not the situation in the Middle East, India/Pakistan,
or our beloved George Bush II’s intention to bomb and
strafe willy nilly—thanfully, not ruling out nukes (Saddam
has made it necessary; he is everywhere, even lurking near
Hotel S.).

If it’s not the above, then what is this shocking news
about violence, you ask? Well, hold on to your panty hose
and apricot scrub, Gals, because the news is that women are
more violent than men!!!

Yes, according to a new report/ebook from Harbinger Press
titled Women Are More Violent Than Men by K.C. Wilson,
selective reporting, exaggeration, and media irresponsibility
has mislead us about the truth re gals’ current rage.

Take for instance the statistic that “every 15 seconds
a woman is battered by her mate in America.” Well, according
to K.C. Wilson, feminists and others are using battering to
include shoving and making it sound as though women were getting
a thorough beating up. But only a very small percentage of
these so-called batterings involve repeated blows! Plus, says
Wilson, if we used the same questionable math regarding violence
to men, we’d find that women batter their mates every
14 seconds (which is less than 15,  but no matter).

Now, Wilson—using various studies and so many statistics
we are dizzy and could care less about them—is able to
show that if we count all kinds of things, including no-physical
“violence” such as lying, threatening, manipulation,
intimidation, telling secrets, shaming, teasing, name-calling,
accidentally bumping into, ostracism, alliance building, flaunting,
and carrying a grudge—all of which form what he calls
“female pathology”—then gals are way more violent
and controlling than men. “Among all relationships, women
initiate severe violence two to three times more often than

  • Female high school students are four times more likely to
    be the sole abuser in a relationship (5.7 percent to 1.4

  • female college students commit far more physical violence
    than male students…

  • women are 70 percent more likely to use a weapon…

  • the population at greater risk from severe partner assault
    and murder is black males

  • lesbian relationships are twice as prone to physical aggression
    as heterosexual ones and more violent than gay male relationships

Why, you ask, do we hear so much more about male violence
against women? Wilson says it’s because no one looks
carefully at the studies, which actually report the opposite.
The research shows that what women lack in physical strength,
they more than make up for with stealth and weapons. “Where
a man uses his fists, a woman sneaks up with a frypan.”

If you’re wondering how researchers can collect information
on frypan, not to mention flaunting and lesbian, bashing,
especially since, as Wilson states, men don’t report
being “assaulted,” do not concern yourselves. As
surely as Saddam has weapons of mass destruction, so too do
gals, according to Wilson— who by the way is a reclusive
social scientist living in Toronto, Canada with his cat and
he and members of his family have been through divorce so
he is reliable, for sure. Plus, Gals, our big weapon of destruction
has been, until now anyway, feminists! Yes, femgals have distorted
and lied about the truth, making them a greater threat than
Saddam (although he may be involved in this feminist lie like
everything else he is responsible for). Take rape. It’s
the only crime with more female victims than male, says Wilson
(except if you include prison rape, then the majority is male
victims). “But as doctors pointed out to me, the only
reason women don’t rape is, they can’t. Vaginas
don’t come with suction.”

Oh my, is this incredible?! But there’s more. “Given
that women are the sexual predator,” says Wilson, “…one
wonders if female rape is not already under-reported.”
Female rape, it seems, is defined as “women willing to
force themselves and their point physically.” So the
evidence suggests that women might rape more than men—if
they could rape —more than they do. If you’re finding
this somewhat strange and contradictory, you’re wrong.

So why the feminsmo myths about violence? Well, says Wilson,
“when there is fear, it’s easy to ride.” Just
as Joe McCarthy and George Wallace discovered they had talent
as demogogs (and a fearful public was willing to go along),
feminism was looking for their “killer app”—the
issue that would force people’s attention to them and
all they demanded. So they used gals’ fear and jealousy
of men as their way of spreading their own demogogery through

See, for 150,000 years men have always protected gals from
hardship, danger, rape, etc.; and gals have appreciated it.
Gals were never afraid of men until now. Now, in advocating
for no gender roles in today’s society, the gal role
has been annihilated and therefore gals see male attributes
less as comfort and complement and more as challenge and threat.
(Wait, so what he’s saying is that when there was a need
for protection, gals weren’t afraid, but now that there
isn’t, gals are? This is so deep.) Wilson says there
“is the inevitable competitiveness generated by a loss
of formal gender roles.”

He goes on: “We are all familiar with the current, required
version of history: women have always been exploited and oppressed
by men. All history must be seen in these terms, just as the
old Soviet Union rewrote it in terms of class struggle.”
Wilson believes, after much study of history, that there has
never been a women’s movement or revolution until now.
His conclusion: “women have never been oppressed. The
meaning and significance of being a woman was gutted over
the first half of the 1900s.” (If gals were never oppressed,
why did they need men to protect them for 150,000 years, you
may ask? Wilson doesn’t say, but who cares. Just asking
that question makes you borderline pathological.)

True, in the 1970s women were feeling oppressed by some unseen
thing, admits Wilson. But that unseen thing was industrialization
and what it did to the female role. Feminists needed a scapegoat
for this feeling of irrelevance and that scapegoat was the
myth of men as oppressors. Next they needed proof of this
mythical male oppression. Using lies about phantom wage-gaps
and glass ceilings, being ignored in health care, domestic
violence statistics, they built a feminist movement. They
couldn’t say, “Gee, I miss that old female gender
role. Let’s see if we can get it back.” So they
tried to be like men, since being a gal seemed a disadvantage.
But it was all founded on envy and jealousy of others.

But, says Wilson, “there has never been anything wrong
or oppressive about gender roles. They give each member of
society an assured place, come what may, rooted in their very
biology.” Wilson doesn’t mention it, but we Hotel
Satire gals were relieved and happy to see the gals as property
with no rights whatsoever myth being dispelled and explained
as gals being protected by men.

Wilson’s solution to this “mess” is to restore
gender balance. Women must stop being afraid. They must take
their appropriate place in today’s society without feeling
they must beat up others to get it.

It is impossible for there to be no conventional gender roles,
he says, because our brains are wired differently. We have
proof of this in the way boys behave and in the fact that
gals populate family law, care-giving professions, human resources,
and the media. So gals must accept their new gender role,
which is the old gender role, but less rigid. Finally, there
must be increased masculinity in the home and society from
which it’s been banished by industrialization (and subsequent
feminist lies) for almost 300 years.

This book is a must read. It will certainly help our Hotel
Satire classes, where we teach gals to be domestic appendages
and passive twits, but with some flexibility to occasionally
speak a sentence or make a decision in the area of family
law and such. As for the fear factor and the pervasive feminist
pathology of envy, as well as denial about where the real
violence in our society rests, we feel an important first
step would be for all gals to support the upcoming war on
Iraq by wearing the new patriotic navel ring designed by Playboy
and pictured here.

Nothing says traditional female role like treating gals as
decoration and willing sexual playthings. It’s not oppression,
it’s just being a gal and having a vagina that doesn’t
come with suction

Sargent is on the staff of Z Magazine. Thanks to Megan Miller
and Alexis Powell for the Playboy Navel ring advertisement
from the
Lawrence World Journal.