Chomsky’s Proposal Causes Head Scratching

Planning for the war in Iraq was thrown topsy-turvy today, as planners feverishly studied a new plan put forward by former Bush administration critic, Noam Chomsky.

Chomsky, the latest convert to the doctrine of Pax Americana, dropped a bombshell into the laps of war planners today, in a brief paper on strategic planning entitled “A Modest Proposal.” The proposal calls for the U.S. to “encourage Iran to invade Iraq,” with the U.S. providing logistic support and weapons.

William Kristol, of the American Enterprise Institute, hailed Chomsky’s paper. “I think that Chomsky now realizes that shibboleths like ‘do unto others as you would have done unto you,’ laudable as they may have been in a biblical economy, are hopelessly outdated in our new global economy.” Asked to elaborate, Kristol pointed to studies ongoing at the American Enterprise Institute that show that the “do unto others” policy is fiscally irresponsible. E.g., Vice President Dick Cheney received a 20 million dollar golden parachute along with 6 million dollars in stock options for his five years of work in the oil industry. “Macroeconomic calculations show that it would be unfeasible to share the oil wealth in the Mideast to improve living standards there. There simply aren’t enough stock options to go around,” Kristol noted.

Anthony Cordesman, of the Center for Strategic and International Studies, commented on the military implications of “A Modest Proposal.” “A welcome side-effect of Chomsky’s proposal,” Cordesman said, “is that it will help us to avoid an unpopular draft in this country, so that we don’t risk life and limb of young red-blooded Americans.” Cordesman added that it would also spur U.S. arms sales to Iran, which have languished ever since the missiles-for-hostages scandal.

Christopher Hitchens, formerly of the Nation, noted: “Chomsky’s proposal has the added advantage of not only canceling our moral debt to Iraq, but also our moral debt to Iran for overthrowing their democracy and installing the murderous regime of the Shah” [1].

Thomas Friedman of the New York Times cautiously lauded Chomsky’s hard-headed proposal. “The plan to partition Iran afterwards sounds intriguing,” said Friedman, “but without knowing more about Israel’s role in the administration of post-partition Iran, scepticism is in order.”

Most enthusiastic about the Chomsky plan was Israel’s Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, who had proposed attacking Iran immediately after attacking Iraq in an interview for the London Times Online [2]. Sharon also pledged to liberate South Africa next from the “Negro terrorist” Nelson Mandela and to resurrect apartheid and restart exports of Israeli atomic bomb technology to white supremacists there [3].

Asked if the President had seen Chomsky’s proposal, Ari Fleischer, Bush’s press secretary, said that although the President had not actually read the paper, he did release the following statement: “My feeling is that Chomsky’s plan probably suffers from the same flawed idealism of similar humanitarian plans in the past, such as the ill-conceived effort in 1729 to aid the children of poor people in Ireland, now in the dustbin of history [4].

 [1] On canceling “the moral debt” to Iraq by removing Saddam, see Chistopher Hitchens, “So Long, Fellow Travelers,” Washington Post, Oct. 20, 2002.

[2] On Sharon’s proposal to attack Iran, see Stephen Farrell, Robert Thomson and Danielle Haas, “Attack Iran the day Iraq war ends, demands Israel,” London Times Online, Nov. 5, 2002,,,3-469972,00.html.

[3] On Israel’s support of apartheid in South Africa and Sharon’s role, see A. and L. Cockburn, Dangerous Liaison, HarperCollins: New York, 1991.

[4] On the proposal to aid “the children of poor people in Ireland,” see Jonathan Swift, “A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor people in Ireland from being a burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the publick,” 1729,

Lyle Jenkins, correspondent to the Alternative Press (AP), can be reached at [email protected]>[email protected]  [email protected]>

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