The good news for the new year is as follows…
January: Tony Blair is arrested at
February: Following the inauguration of Barack Obama as president of the
March: Former vice-president Dick Cheney shoots himself in the foot hunting squirrels following a prayer breakfast in
April: Aung San Suu Kyi is released from house arrest and assumes her rightful place as the democratic head of the government of
May: All American and British troops leave
June: All Nato troops leave
July: The British government calls a halt to selling arms and military equipment to ten out of 14 conflict-hit countries in
August: The British Department for International Development ends its support for privatisation as a condition of aid to the poorest countries.
September: Sir Bob Geldof and Bono visit Tony Blair in prison, suggesting a worldwide Crime Aid gig to raise money for their hero’s defence.
October: The Booker prizewinner Anne Enright apologises to Gerry and Kate McCann, parents of the missing child Madeleine McCann, for speculating in the London Review of Books about the possible involvement of the McCanns in the disappearance of their daughter.
November: Gordon Brown is kidnapped, hooded and forced to listen repeatedly to his 2007 speech to bankers at a Mansion House banquet: "What you as the City of
December: Tony Blair is sentenced to life imprisonment and beatified by the Pope.
If you think none of this will happen, you are probably right. But beware 2010 . . .