Oh, Promise Me



People. And you gals. Lots of inspiring things have happened
recently. Two, in particular, stand out. One is the welcome sight of hundreds of thousands
of mostly white men gathering together to worship God, who is also white and male (not to
mention heterosexual),  which makes white heterosexual males superior to everyone
else. By the way, God promised white males that they could run the family, as well as the
government and the Internet, and  dole out the money to gals and children as they see
fit. This is no fault of the white male, it’s just the way God promised it and he
keeps his promises.

Lately (since 1969 or so) gals and non-white men have questioned the
chain of command, laid down by God’s son on a visit to earth, that is the cornerstone
of true democracy. Rather than send Jesus again, God has sent a football coach, Bill
McCartney, to get things back to normal, i.e., gathering guys together in football
stadiums to scream, cry, bond, and promise to throw some cash McCartney’s/God’s way.
After many millions of men have done this, things will hopefully go back to
normal—restoring the chain of command as ordained by God almost two centuries ago.

Speaking of centuries ago, the other outstanding event was seeing
that acclaimed one-man show Defending the Caveman, starring Rob Becker and
currently playing in Boston. Becker’s theme is soooo insightful: Men are hunters,
women are gatherers. Feminists and the men who love them have gone too far in papering
over this basic difference between men and women.

Says the Boston Globe about Becker’s : "Hunters
are narrowly focused on the task at hand, such as the athletic events they partake in,
which can be summarized as ‘Kill the man with the ball.’ Gatherers see the world
in wider terms and take in many stimuli. Their guiding principle, he [Becker] implies, is
shop till you drop."

Never has a return to the caveman been more needed. Listen to this:
In a poll taken of 902 registered voters before the Promise Keepers latest rally in
Washington, 83 percent felt that men and women should share family leadership equally; 15
percent said men should lead the family; 1 percent said women should lead.(Boston Globe,
October 5).

Also, in a frightening article on gender, "Sexes being
equalized on the job," in the Boston Globe (September 21), authors
Caryl Rivers and Rosalind Barnett write: "The U.S. Army issued an important report a
week ago saying that sexual harassment exists at all levels in the service, and promising
action to remedy the problems. In the report’s wake came renewed claims that it is
unnatural for women to serve in the military, and that only ‘feminist pressures’
have created an integrated fighting force.

"But calls for an end to women in the military will probably
fail—and not because of feminism. All across society, women are moving into what once
were considered ‘male’ jobs and as they do, gender differences are shrinking.

"It is a consequence of what we call the New Reproductive
Paradigm…New reproductive strategies call for curtailing child-bearing, investing
more parental energy in fewer offspring, and finding ways to protect the environment…

"As a result, there is less pressure on women to
reproduce…. it’s the situation, not the gender, that often shapes behavior…

"Research on steelworkers, executives, and postal employees,
among other groups, found few differences between men and women. Studies in such areas as
communication, assertiveness, and math and verbal abilities show that small differences
are shrinking even further. And as women train their bodies, old ideas of physical limits
fall away.

"Now, world class women athletes are closing the gender gap
with amazing speed…Olympic skater Bonnie Blair’s time in the 500 meters in 1992
would have beaten all the male winners through 1976. Swimmer Janet Evans’s times in
the 1992 Olympics beat the times of Mark Spitz’s gold medal performances decades

"Today, women hold most of the world records in
ultra-long-distance competition. Ultra-mara- thoner Ann Trason won the 24-hour endurance
competition, a mixed-gender event in 1990. Women hold the records in open-water swimming,
In skeet shooting, a Chinese markswoman posted a perfect score, better than all other male
or female competitors. Physicians Brian Whipp and Susan Ward of UCLA predict that women
will soon match men in all the Olympic running competitions."


Isn’t this shocking?! But even without this information, a
brief glance at TV, the movies, the newspapers, and the ads in gals’ magazines gives
us a frightening look at how close we are to a complete meltdown, followed by a feminist
takeover, after which people of color will shoot white guys down in the streets like dogs.

Here’s just a sampling of how far off things have gotten in the
disruption of the chain of command as determined by God (see chart).

(1) Gals are actually making as much as 71 cents to the man’s

(2) Gals have taken over 9 senators slots and 51 slots in the house.

(3) Gals are actually earning money. According to the Boston Globe,
when an upper income man earns $100,000 a year, the first $16,000 is tax free. When his
wife’s $30,000 is added on top of his, every dollar of hers is taxed at his highest
rate. After taking out for Social Security, state and local taxes, that gal is taking home
a whopping $15,000 a year!

(4) Every night on the TV news and every day in the newspaper, only
a handful of men are shooting their girlfriends and wives to keep them from doing things
that annoy men. A handful is not enough to control these gals.

(5) Gals, who are 51 percent of the population, are the single lead
characters of a whopping 17 percent of prime-time series. Of the 36 new shows, as many as
four ("Ally McBeal," "Alright Already," "Jenny,"
"Veronica’s Closet") feature females around whom other characters rotate!
Three are comedies, as are all the shows featuring African Americans!

"Jenny" features a Playboy Playmate and deals with
such social issues (behind the scenes) as to whether to show cleavage. According to Entertainment
, the "24-year-old pinup who manhandled panting frat boys on MTV’s
"Singled Out"…, who built an entire persona around exposing her tongue (and
other body parts) to the camera, may be the most marketable centerfold to unstaple herself
from Playboy since Marilyn Monroe…"

(6) Gals actually have parts in this season’s movies—as
prostitutes, mothers, daughters, wives, cooks, victims, and mindless decorations in short
tight skirts and six inch heels! There’s at least one leading lady in there somewhere
being dismembered, raped, murdered, or the butt of sexist jokes and innuendo. This rampant
feminism cannot be tolerated. Plus any perusal of the movie ads in newspapers shows that
there aren’t nearly enough white guy movies. Plus there are way to many movies with
black guys in them—at least two or three. Is there no way to stop this
feminist/affirmative action onslaught that is making white men have to take back what God
promised them almost two centuries ago?!

(7) Something scary is happening to gal magazines, "a totally
fresh look at how women in America view themselves," says Lucy Danziger, editor of
Conde Nast Sports for Women. "Women feel like they’re in the
driver’s seat; they have the ball. We’re not knocking on the door asking to
play. We’re not asking for permission anymore. Sports is a great metaphor for all
this." The first issue of Sports for Women includes: "Love Among the
Bunkers: What Happened When Our Bachelorette Set Out to Bag Mr. Right at a Stop on the PGA
Tour?" and "Play Your Way to a Great Body."

Sports Illustrated’s Women/ Sport includes a question
and answer column with questions like "Is it OK to have sex before the game?"
and articles on "Great Gear for Women." The issue of Sports for Women we
looked at had as many as one gal of color athlete among the fashion model-looking white
gal athletes with long blond braids! Affirmative action out of control!!!

(8) Gals’ fashion magazines are sending subliminal feminist
messages that are causing them to challenge their god-given roles as the weaker vessels.
Take the ad for Johnson compact outboard motors pictured here from National Geographic
sent to us by a Hotel Satire fan. "Even squaw can carry." My God, these Native
American gals are clearly poised for a takeover.

Or take the ad for Warner’s under garments. "There’s
a side to every woman that’s very Marilyn." Was there ever a more threatening
symbol of feminism than Marilyn Monroe?

Or take the young gal wearing Fetish nail polish #16. "Apply
generously to your neck so he can smell the scent as you shake your head "no."

Hey, white guys at football rallies with coach Bill McCartney,
promise me you’ll put a stop to this! We have to support any noble white male
attempts to return us to life As Cavemen or life During Christ (AC/DC). Here are some
important quotes from leading promise keepers, in case you’re wondering what’s
on their agenda.

  • Tony Evans says in Seven Promises of a Promise Keeper (from
    the section called "Reclaiming Your Manhood"): "…Sit down with your wife
    and say something like this: ‘Honey, I’ve made a terrible mistake. I’ve
    given you my role. I gave up leading this family, and I forced you to take my place. Now I
    must reclaim that role’…I’m not suggesting you ask for your role back…there
    can be no compromise here. If you’re going to lead, you must lead….Treat the lady
    gently and lovingly. But lead!"
  • Bill McCartney, Promise Keeper founder, in his book From Ashes to
    : "I believe we’ve sat idle too long in this country as men abdicated
    the role of leadership to their wives."
  • Re. James Ryle, a Promise Keeper’s advocate, at a secret 1994
    conference to plan anti-gay electoral strategies in Colorado: "The crisis of
    homosexuality…is a cultural revolution, which has poised our nation precariously on the
    brink of moral chaos…"

After the Promise Keepers Washington rally and after seeing the Defending
the Cavemen
, the Hotel Satire gals organized our own Oh, Promise Me rally, lead by
men. In memory of the cavegals and their God-given gathering skills, hundreds of thousands
of us climbed onto buses, driven by men, and headed for the nearest shopping mall.

We marched from store to store in wedding gowns, singing to our
guys: "Oh, promise me/If we ever try to be free/to cast aside our domestic
slavery/Oh, promise to shoot us in the knee
." Then we shopped/
"gathered" while making over 200 promises, covering a wide range of topics. You
should have seen the clawing, the pushing, the shoving as we tried to regain our lost
femininity at Victoria’s Secret, Bradlees, and Neiman Marcus. Here are a few of the things
we promised:

(1) We promise to stop trying to be communist lesbians like
ex-Playmate Jenny and to do, be, and think whatever the guy wants, whenever he wants it.

(2)  We promise to have dinner ready every night—on time.

(3) We promise to prepare ourselves to greet him when he
arrives—to touch up the makeup, be a little gay, a little more interesting but not so
interesting that he’ll have to pay attention to us.

(4) We promise to clear away the clutter and run a dust cloth over
the tables, so our guys will think they’ve come home to heaven.

(5) We promise to prepare the children, which we’ve birthed at
his discretion, by immaculate conception—to wash their faces, comb their hair, change
their clothes.

(6) We promise to minimize the noise whenever when he comes home. No
washer, dryer, vacuum, no children yelling.

(7) We promise that we won’t greet him at the door with
problems or complaints.

(8) We promise to make him comfortable at all times because we are
here to serve—a nice chair, a cool drink, a pillow—and we promise to take his
shoes off. We promise to speak in low, soft, soothing voices.

(9) We promise to listen to him; to let him talk first.

(10) We promise to make the evening, and the world, his again.

For research on the Promise Keepers, contact Political Research
Associates, 120 Beacon, Street, Suite 202, Somerville, MA 02143; 617-661-9313. Some of our
gal promises came from a 1950s home economics textbook.