Open Letter To Bill Graham

To: The Honourable Bill Graham, P.C., M.P.
Minister of Foreign Affairs
Lester B Pearson Building A-10
125 Sussex Drive
Ottawa, ON K1A 0G2

Dear Mr. Graham,

Let me say right off the top how much I respect your foreign intelligence. You’ve demonstrated it in your past record of judging exactly the correct political moment to leap on board every American sneak attack against a small defenceless country, to defend ‘Canada’, we are told. In Kosovo, in Afghanistan, you’ve been there at every step giving advice, and now you’re giving the orders.

So I want to take a few minutes of your time today to share with you a concern of mine.

I’m worried about Canada’s Foreign Affairs. On my street, “Foreign Affairs” generally means screwing around in your neighbour’s back yard. But of course that’s not what we’re up to in Central Asia, is it Bill?

See, I’m concerned that you might get it in your head that just because George W Bush managed to temper tantrum the United Nations into giving him a figleaf to cover that raging Tomahawk missile the Defence industry stuffed in his empty drawers like an overlarge sock, that it means he has our permission to bomb the innocent, starving people of Iraq.

I write to you today to dissuade you of any such notion.

In his Cincinnati Address to the gun owners of the Homeland, King George said the following “I want to talk about a threat to peace.” Strangely he started talking about the misdeeds of Saddam Hussein, an old family friend. Do we really want to befriend somebody who can turn on a guy like that?

I have some other worries about Mr. Bush. How come he wasn’t elected? Isn’t it sort of weird, that in a country that preaches democracy to the world, a rich, corrupt idiot has been allowed to steal the reigns of power, and now threatens us all with weapons of mass destruction called the United States Army, Navy, Airforce, and Marines? Sounds sort of ‘Evil Dictator’ to me. Mr Bush has used weapons of mass destruction in Afghanistan, they’re called daisy cutters and tomahawk missiles. Right now he’s massing his troops all around Iraq for a pre-meditated attack that is going to happen, no matter what the UN says, or even what we say. George W Bush said so. So why’d we bother with giving him permission, if he was going to do it anyway?

Of course, you’re the expert on how to screw around in other peoples’ back yards, and get away with it Bill.

Can I inquire about what Canada’s permission for George W Bush to attack Iraq cost the United States? What did we get in return? Do we get to screw around in their backyard, in der Homeland? Doubtful. John Ashcroft would send us to a concentration camp. A break on that softwood lumber dispute perhaps? Let’s see, that would be a neat little equation eh? The lives of the entire people of Iraq are equal to cedar shakes and shingles. Did we get more? I think we should know, and everybody should celebrate this great deal you’ve made on behalf of all Canadians, Bill.

Perhaps our Canadian oil companies will get a chance to hunt for treasure in the fields of Basra? That would certainly increase Ralph Klein’s malign influence, and we’d have you to thank then. I hear Talisman Energy is looking for something new to do. Or are the beneficiaries of your negotiating skills only Liberals? That would be a first. Of course everybody wants a share in the spoils. Iraq IS the largest oil oasis in the desert. But first, the leader of the pack has to drink his fill. This new world order under George W Bush’s Grand ol’ Empire is a little feral, eh Bill?

It’s time for ‘regime change’ in Iraq, we are told.

You know Mr. Graham, some of my more radical friends as well as old ladies I meet at random in the supermarket say we definitely need a regime change here in Canada, where the Bay Street bankers and their several hundred lawyers who style themselves the leaders of the nation, (these would be the men you eat lunch with, Bill) have so coincidentally managed to benefit whenever the Americans decide to start crushing some poor country. Canadian foreign investment money is all over Colombia, Africa, Indonesia, Argentina…. My more radical friends and every cabdriver I have ever met say Canadian capitalism leaves a trail of death and destruction in its wake, scrounging from the plate of raw human flesh left over by those serious Imperialists to the south.

Those guys are really on a mission from God, eh. Why are we following them Bill?

We’re on a holy crusade to dominate the full spectrum of force. Yes we are. It says so in the Bible, and in the Pentagon’s plan for world domination. I’m not sure which document is more important for  US foreign policy, but thanks to American state subsidy of industry, both are available for free on the web. Still, when the Americans wanted to invade Afghanistan they used old maps of Central Asia purchased in a Vancouver shop.

And we followed ‘em into Afghanistan and started pacifying and dominating, and we’ve not quite yet transformed the country into a Starbucks. No, word on the street in downtown Kabul is that the US backed puppet dictator and former Unocal consultant Hamid Karzai is to be shot on sight by whatever patriotic Afghan can get him in the crosshairs. And who can blame them? Afghans really thank us for bombing their country, and bringing endless civil war. They still can’t get over how the CIA trained the Islamic fundamentalists, like Osama bin Laden. They loved it when we rigged their Loya Jirga, that’s their Parliament Bill, to make sure that our man in the funny cape would control the country, and build Unocal’s pipeline to suck oil out of the Caspian so we can drive our SUVs with subsidized gas to Wal-Mart and have a Starbucks coffee poured by cheap labour, forever and ever, while Afghans starve and die. Cause that’s really what we did, and why we did it, isn’t it Bill?

May we know also the deal your Ministry struck for us in Afghanistan? Your friends at the Arms Bazaar had some suggestions, surely.

What we are taking on our extended Iraqi safari? A whole lot of new toys! Yes, there’s that laser thing, mounted on the top of a C130 Aircraft, there’s a whole new fleet of B52 bombers, precision guided missiles, helicopters, and that new gas weapon they used in Moscow, in case we have to put anybody to sleep for the TV cameras before we kill them once the purchased corporate journalists in the press pool go back to their hotel, to transmit the lies your rich friends call ‘news’. That’s who and what we’re taking with us on George W Bush’s extended trek through Central Asia. Talk about full pack. What to wear when dominating the full spectrum?

For the Cannucks this year, how’ bout a classy British look, sort of set us off from the Yanks. I see you in jodhpurs and pith helmet Bill. Very dashing. For the troops, a very tasteful beige. Special Forces all in black, head to toe, with Uzi. Are we allowed to know what JTF2’s men in black (Canadian special forces) are up to? No, I thought not.

Meanwhile, in ‘the homeland’, where me and my friends live, many of us are loosing our jobs, working longer hours for less pay, and some of us are even contemplating a future minus the ever expendable sons and daughters of the working class who are going off to fight, and for what?

For the Enron guys and their oil money! That’s what it seems to me. Can you correct me on this one Bill? After all, I’m not the grand outfitter of the Dominion Foreign Safari Company of Adventurers, Trading into the Persian Gulf, by permission of Her Majesty the Queen.

George W Bush, is going to slaughter tens of thousands who are not even guilty of voting Republican, for the sake of something they call black gold. Texas tea. But thus far, you have asked us to forget that.

Now the first thing you know, ol’ Jeb’s a millionaire! George W Bush’s brother Jeb is a millionaire, and he’s still Governor of Florida because he spent three times more campaign money than the Democrats, who I guess just didn’t want to win badly enough. Just like Ken Lay from Enron is still free, the President of World Com, Bernie Ebbers has done no time, and I don’t recall any tobacco company executives going to the electric chair. No, we are not supposed to think about that right now, are we Bill.

One hundred and thirty one mostly black men did get put down however, in George W Bush’s Texas. But we must forget the Texacutioner days.

And the votes that the Republicans didn’t let the American people count, that had they been counted, would have meant that Bush wouldn’t be President of the United States of America, those votes, over one hundred thousand of them, from black Florida counties where Jeb Bush’s corrupt and racist government hired a private firm to remove these voters from the roles, we are asked to forget ALL THAT. But I remember Bill. Do you?

Surely you remember George Bush Mr. Graham. He’s the murderous criminal we’re about to follow on a mission to conquer the planet, for the health of Canadian bankers and their ever-expanding circle of mercenary lawyers. You have lunch with them Bill. Can you pass them this little note?

Yours truly,


Stephen James Kerr

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