In AIG We Trust
Poor AIG, poor insurance corporation, a bank at heart. As Executive Sloganeer for the Incorporated Estates of Earth, Stan D. Garde, I do what I can to fulfil their every need. It remains my honor, my job to convince the vassals to give more money to the banks. For some odd reason, the vassals seem to think their own money properly belongs to them. Not at all. All money belongs to the banks who make any money possible in the first place. The banks are the real workers of the world because they do the most important job – that of moving money from place to place. Not only do banks deserve a large cut of each and every transaction, they deserve the right to control transactions because privileged use of money is vital to the health of every incorporated estate. Vassals don’t get this. Vassals tend to think their own needs are as important as the demands of the banks, let alone the estates. Even more so. Where do vassals learn such tripe and treason? Certainly not in the schools. Not in the good ones, at least.
Vassals are prone to blow through money quickly with their mundane spending on food, shelter, clothing, transportation, fuel, electricity, health care, and on and on, which is all well and good – until there is no money left for the banks, the pesky problem today. The vassals spend it all! They spend all the banks’ money. All and more. And yet vassals sink deeper into debt each day.
The banks are totally bankrupt, having lent far more than can possibly be repaid, having purchased and traded and sold enormous equities for which they cannot now account, if they ever could. Mistakes were made. It happens. Unlike vassals, banks are too big to fail. Too important. Does this even need to be explained anymore?
Take a vassal who fails to cover expenses – he goes hungry or cold or suffers from heat, or gets depressed or goes mad, or gets sick or commits crimes, loses relationships or jobs, maybe gets jailed or dies. Any and all of this may happen with any given vassal, which is more-or-less acceptable as long as the banks get paid in the meantime. Because if the banks go down, who will be left to pass along the money to those who know what to do with it, the golden few?
Surely not the vassals. It makes no sense to put vassals in charge of their own money. Such impropriety would violate the contract that vassals are born into. Vassals are genetically suited for sustaining the lords of capital first. … I do love vassals, don’t get me wrong. They are wretched, but they are us. The IEE could not make it without them. And yet, to leave everything up to the vassals, or to leave anything to their whims, shudder to think, just look at the polls – they would end the wars of prosperity or never start them in the first place; they would provide free health care to everyone; and in ways too noxious to elaborate, they would actually try to spread the wealth! Just because they bought AIG with their own money doesn’t mean they have the right to control it, or, shudder to think, pay its staff government type wages – for that would be sheer theft, the very thought of which remains the real outrage in this discussion.
Spread the wealth? Reallocate control? That’s not reality. That’s not survivable, not on or off the estates. That’s begging for the total collapse of civilization as we know it, love it, and feed off it here in the IEE. So sayeth the lords of commerce and good vassals everywhere. In AIG we trust.
Citizens are gone. They are now vassals. It happened in a funny way. All the banks around the world collapsed, broke. So the peoples’ money was used to refund all the banks. But don’t get any ideas. When the people buy the banks, do they not own them? Yes and no, but mostly and decisively no. You see, the people may properly own the banks (having bought them) but they sure as hell do not get to decide what to do with the money or how to do it. For that is not capitalism, and capitalism is what they bought. Clear? Clever? Clout. In capitalism, the people do not own the decisions. They are not the deciders. They are the consumers, the workers, and in a pinch they may be the funders. To review, the people may be the buyers and in theory the owners, but they are never ever upon any circumstances the deciders. In capitalism, the well-connected few are the deciders, the rulers who select candidates for office, who dole out funds for the campaigns, who provide the illusion of choice via sundry discrepancies for vassals to obsess over and pick between. Nothing more is meant to be.
Am I speaking over your heads, dear vassals? Let me see if I can put this in plainer words. The privileged few rule, the masses obey, even when the masses do most of the work, buy most of the stuff, and totally bailout the bankrupt rulers. That, my friends, is capitalism. Some used to call such a system Chinese Democracy before
Granted, technically, no land has ever practiced pure capitalism, because, unfortunately, pure capitalism is a self-exploding system – inherently wildly unstable. Totally free markets always lead to disaster – collapse of all sorts. Thus, regulation always exists to help curb catastrophe. And so it is, sadly, that contrary to common understanding, pure capitalism is almost as horrific as pure democracy. Demoscrazy, you know. We’ve had enough of that – we’ve seen where it leads – not to vassalage! which we much prefer. We prefer vassals to people. We prefer submission to rule. Capitalism is a nice thought, an ideal. But vassalism rules.
Oh I know you odd, broke, and broken spirits out there may think of vassalism as little more than slavery. We pity you penny-pinched souls who could not be more mistaken, more immoral. After all, slaves had no money and so could not readily repay their debts, let alone those of their superiors. That is the gross deficiency of the economic system of pure slavery. We had to replace it. Vassalism is much more efficient, much safer for rulers everywhere. It puts people in their proper place. All hail vassalism! See you at the wars!