The phone rang, though I wasn’t expecting any calls at all. The call was not from any ‘contact’. I received the call, that is, I answered.
Me: Hello?
There was a girl at the other end. It seemed to be a call from a call centre. Let’s call her the Representative.
The Representative: Hello. May I talk to Mr. Anil Eklavya?
Me: I am Anil EKlavya.
The Representative: Sir, could I take some of your time?
Me: Yes, sure.
The Representative: Sir, I am calling from the LoveTrum Show…
Me: Love Trauma Show?
There was a pause at the other end. Possibly some sniggering too.
The Representative: No, sir, the LoveTrum Show.
She spelled out the name.
The Representative: The LOcal VErsion of the TRUMan Show.
Me: What is that?
The Representative: Sir, it is a kind of reality show.
Me: Reality show?
The Representative: Yes, sir. It’s a show in which the participants don’t need to be in the studio.
Me: Meaning?
The Representative: You can be in your own home and still be in this show.
Me: But I am not interested in any show. In fact, I don’t watch any T.V.
The Representative: Sir, could I take some of your time to explain in detail?
I thought for a moment and decided to let her complete. I don’t get any calls from girls anyway.
The Representative: Sir, this show is not a T.V. show. We have participants who just live in their own homes. Also, it is a multimedia muldimodal show. It includes still and moving images, audio, online activities, travel or anything else that the participant might do.
Me: You mean the whole life of someone is put on the show?
The Representative: Not always, sir. Sometimes some parts may be left out.
Me: Parts that the participant does not want to be shown?
The Representative: No, sir. The content of the show is not decided by the participant.
Me: Then who decides it?
There was a long pause.
The Representative: I am sorry, sir. I can’t help you with that.
Me: So the participant does not know when he is on the show?
The Representative: No, sir. The participant does not know that he is on the show.
Me: You mean the participant is put on the show without his knowledge or permission.
The Representative: Sir, the participant is selected after due process.
Me: Yes, but he is not told that he is being put on the show?
A pause again.
The Representative: No, sir. The participant is selected after due process.
Me: How can there be such a show?
The Representative: There is, sir.
Me: But how can it be allowed?
The Representative: It is allowed, sir.
Me: But who will watch such a show?
The Representative: The show is not watched, sir, it is followed. It is a multimedia multimodal show.
Me: OK, but who will follow such a show?
The Representative: It is a very popular show, sir. It is one of the most loved shows.
Me: I have never heard of it.
The Representative: It is an unlisted show, sir.
Me: Unlisted?
The Representative: Yes, sir. It is not publicly advertised.
Me: Then how do people follow it?
The Representative: We have a network, sir.
Me: Which company runs it?
The Representative: There is no company, sir.
Me: Then who manages it?
The Representative: It is run according to the Extended PPP model, sir.
Me: PPP model?
The Representative: The Public-Private Participation model, sir.
This time I had to pause.
Me: What if someone doesn’t want to be on the show?
The Representative: The participants don’t know that they are on the show, sir.
Me: What if they do find out?
The Representative: Don’t worry, sir. It does not affect the show.
Me: What do you mean it does not affect the show?
The Representative: The participant cannot affect the show, sir.
Me: What if he shifts from his place, home or office?
The Representative: Wherever you go, the show will follow you, sir.
Me: Me? You mean I am on the show?
This time there was a long pause.
The Representative: Yes, sir. You have been on the show for many years.
Me: What are you talking about? Many years means what?
Pause again.
The Representative: Sorry, sir, I can’t help you with that.
Me: You mean I am on the show and I can’t get out of it?
The Representative: Don’t worry, sir. The show is very popular.
Me: But I don’t want to be on the show.
The Representative: I am sorry, sir. The participant is selected after a due process.
Me: What process?
The Representative: Sorry, sir, I can’t help you with that.
Me: What kind of people would watch – follow – such a show?
The Representative: All kinds of people, sir. We have a very large and diverse following from all sections of society and from all regions. It has been certified to be beneficial for the society, the country and the world.
Me: But I am like J. D. Salinger. I am like Boo Radley. I don’t like to be on the show.
There was a very long pause this time. I thought the call got cut.
Me: Hello?
The Representative: Hello, sir. That only makes it more interesting, sir.
Me: But I don’t want to be on the show. How can I get out of it?
The Representative: I am sorry, sir. The participant is selected after a due process.
Me: What if I move to some other place?
The Representative: Wherever you go, the show will follow you, sir.
Me: What if the participant kills himself?
The Representative: As I informed you, sir, the participant doesn’t know.
Me: But you have told me just now.
The Representative: This is an exception, sir.
Me: What if the participant kills himself?
The Representative: Don’t worry, sir. Everyone has to die sooned or later.
Me: But what if the participant does kill himself?
The Representative: We have a waiting list of pariticipants, sir.
Me: This is amazing. What if I make it public?
The Representative: That is not possible, sir.
Me: What do you mean it is not possible.
The Representative: It is an unlisted show, sir.
Me: It won’t be if I make it public.
The Representative: No one would believe it, sir.
Me: What if your call is recorded? I have your number too.
The Representative: The number does not exist, sir.
Me: What about the recorded call?
The Representative: You can record anything, sir.
Me: So, whatever I do, wherever I go, I will be on the show?
The Representative: Yes, sir.
Me: So why are you calling me?
The Representative: You have been selected for a special offer.
Me: What offer?
The Representative: You can follow someone else, sir.
Me: Someone else like me? Who is on the show?
The Representative: Yes, sir.
Me: How many people are on the show?
The Representative: I am sorry, sir, I can’t help you with that.
Me: Is there anything I can do without being on the show?
The Representative: I am sorry, sir, I can’t help you with that.
Pause from my side.
The Representative: Would you like to subscribe, sir? We have a very interesting case.
Me: No, I don’t want to follow anyone.
The Representative: Are you sure, sir?
Me: Yes, I am sure.
The Representative: Thank you very much, sir, for your time. Have a nice day. And don’t worry, sir.
The call ended and I wondered whether I had made a mistake.
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