I suppose there are those who would say that I am getting paranoid in my middle years, but it’s beginning to seem that they really are after us, and in this case (with apologies to Pogo), we have met the enemy and guess who it is?
Yes dear ones, we bombed Yuma. Well not precisely bombed, but the Marines kinda blew the landing so to speak and crashed a Harrier jet containing 4, count em 4, 500 pound bombs and 300 rounds of 25-millimeter ammo. 4th of July damned near came early for the good citizens of Yuma, all of whom are shortly expected to join the peace movement now that they know what if feels like to be attacked by the few, the proud, and the Dr. Strangelove wannabes. Sorry, you maybe wanted me to tell this story with a straight face?
But wait, it gets better, much better. Last week the Army reported, 2 days after it happened and was thus way too late to run for your lives, that they had spilled an itsy witsy (30 gallons to be precise) of deadly VX nerve gas at the Newport Chemical Agent Destruction Facility in western Indiana while they were attempting to destroy the pesky stuff. We are assured that specially outfitted workers are cleaning up the mess and trying to figure out what the f went wrong. No need to worry.
And while we are not worrying, down here in the Bluegrass, officials reported that they found sarin nerve gas leaking from two M55 rockets during routine monitoring on Tuesday at the Blue Grass Army Depot in Richmond, KY where some of the world’s most dangerous chemical weapons are safely stored. The depot is home to 51,000 M55 rockets, which are designed to carry 10 pounds of nerve agent. There are 45 earth-covered igloos (I thought they made those things out of ice) devoted to storing chemical weapons at the site. Turns out they had found that these same 2 rockets were leaking last month and had sealed them to make sure no more of the gas would leak. Guess it didn’t work. But hey, they search my luggage every time I fly. I’m thinking of putting a note in my bags ‘splaining to them that I’m one of those pacifist types who even has trouble killing the ants in my kitchen.
Alfred E. Newman was right.
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